Ask Poison

Dear Poison Waters,

I was at the all ages show, at Darcelle's, last night. You signed your picture for me. You were so gorgeous and so amazing. I want to be the next RuPual. Seeing and meeting you, made it seem more real. As if it was really possible.

I have never done full drag before, as you could probably tell from last night, I don't know how to do drag make up. I was looking through past questions and the answer is always "blending." Now, though, for some people that might be a good answer, for me, it's bad. I'm a very visual person. It's okay though, I'll figure it out.

My question to you is where do you buy your wigs? Your wigs last night were gorgeous, They looked real and flawless.

My other question is what brand(s) of make up do you use? I am not a rich girl, so I can't afford to go out and buy M.A.C. or other expensive make up.

Thank you for your time! Thank you for the show last night! And thank you, for being you!!!

Tink

Hi Poison,

I am a huge fan of yours as well as a friend of Lotta's. So I brought my niece to see you and every other wonderful performer at the best show in town at Darcelle's on Friday when she turned 21! We had a blast!!! She said it was the best birthday she ever had.

So now to my help me request: We stayed for the review after you were all done and I now can't get one of the guys out of my head. My big problem is this....I cant remember his name. I know he was introduced as the one with the 8-pack abs, let me tell you, he was awesome. I have faith in you and know you will come through for me. Also can you find out if he is available? Straight and likes girls a little on the fluffy side. I hope you remember who I am and I know you can casually find this stuff out for me.

If you can't get this for me I understand: I will still always love you

Thanks, a friend

I bet you were talking about Falcon. Was he the “fireman”?. Younger than the others, GREAT eyes? I’m not sure of his “story”….I’ll look into it! ;-) P

Not intending for this to be circumlocutious, and boring...but I've got some inquiries, if you wouldn't mind answering them. However, before I start with the favours, I will kick this off with a few observations (because compliments are too often interpreted to be given by kissers-of-well-you-know). You're San Francisco quality, in a mediocre "village." That is not only to say that you're very talented, but that you are furthermore extremely versatile, and humble and beautiful in being; personally, I would not tolerate Portland had I your acclaim. That makes you a very respectable lady, Madame...that makes you Poison Waters.

I am sure, though, that you have had enough of this sort of banter with people, so I'll can it for a later date. Until then, I've got a few questions...and one comment to Mr. Santrix Seasons-- my dear, you're flawless and brave, who wouldn't accept you back into the community? We're queers, not wolves (though some of us can be a little on the feisty side). Now for the dirty business of the questionnaire: I was curious, Ms. Poison, about L'Histoire de Monde Homosexual; which are the oldest, most venomous, kindest, prettiest, darkest, dirrrrtiest, or most prestigious of the drag families? In order to maintain a requisite level of tact, and prudence, I know you can't really apply these "absolute" adjectives to specific families. But, if you would be so kind, could you give us a brief history of some of the families, and their respective "accomplished" title-holders (in my opinion, all queens are most assuredly dignified, gracious, and take "dirty class" to an explosive level), I would be so much obliged.

Also, on a more personal note, I have a vague concept of how I should parade myself for adoption... but what, for me, and for all of the Queens, Queens-in-training, Queens-on-wheels, and Aspiring Queens, are the do's and don'ts during said process? I am curious, and I know countless others are.

By the way, before I bid you adieux, I must say...some people "wear red" when really, red wears them...and they accentuate the piece. Others...they wear it, and the piece becomes an accent to their attire...but with you...well, dear...with you it's a balance, on a razor-edge-- you walk it finely, and precisely. I think only Divine accomplished that...and she only got away with it because she was that fabulous. Au Revoir, until a later date, ~ Aglaia ~

What an amazing piece of writing you have presented me with! I love your style! Thank you isn’t enough to express my gratitude!

Now to your question of the drag families. In various parts of our country, there are families, dynasties, and houses. One names herself the Matriarch and goes about naming people to her family, or house. This process is far more popular in the Eastern region than here in the gritty old West.

I’m afraid I don’t have much of a history lesson for you, as I have not been witness to many of these families myself. Of course, my name comes from the amazingly fabulous Misty Marie Waters, who enjoyed a fabulous entertaining life throughout the 80’s and early 90’s. She brought about Rosey Waters, my Mother who then went on to help create me. Rosey was all at the same time glamorous, elegant, wild, crass and crazy! A perfect mix if you ask me! Both of the Water Women had laid the groundwork for my personality and charm and especially my sense of humor as well as compassion.

There is also a Rose family in Portland as well as the Rockefeller’s, the Lynn’s and the Foxxes. (just to name a few).

One thing unique to Portland, I feel, is the underlying understanding that our entire drag community is one big family. Yes, there are tensions, misunderstandings, jealousies and fights, but hey! That’s the family way, right? During my travels and appearances all over the USA, I’ve never felt a closer Community amongst the drags than right here, and I couldn’t be more proud!

If you are looking to join a family, or create your own, I say go for it! You never know unless you ask, but you better be sure that’s what you want. And, of course, you better see what they are all about and present yourself as such! Good luck and thanks again so much for the well written and highly complimentary letter!

Hey, I'm a performer in Nashville, TN and I have been performing for 4 years. I'm now ready to get my body done again. I'm looking for someone who is safe and knows what they are doing. I would really appreciate any help that you could offer. I have already had my hips done once but now I'm needing more added to them, and my chest. Like I said I would greatly appreciate any help that you could give me. By the way you are so pretty and seem to be so sweet.

Hey there! Thanks for your message! You know, I have absolutely no clue as to who to send you too! I do know of only one performer in my city that has had work done, and I’ll check with her this week. If she has any useful information, I’ll certainly send it your way. You are very smart to check around before going to see just anyone…I wish you all the best of luck! Thanks again for writing! PW

So... I am straight but I often hang out at club escape and I was wondering what the Rosebud and Thorn pageant is all about ... it is confusing because I have asked a few people and can't get the same response from anyone ... hope to hear from you soon. thank you Renee

Good Question, and very timely too! Last night was the Candidates Meeting at The Escape and I think it went very well. The Rosebud & Thorn Pageant has gone through quite a metamorphous since it’s inception, as most things do. What my belief of it’s purpose to be is this: an underage GLBT Pageant designed to select a pair of “Junior Monarchs” of the underage “Court” to represent the Queer Youth throughout our diverse Community. This can be done many ways, it’s totally up to the Rosebud & Thorn. Being visible in the Community, attending/hosting fund raisers, speaking events and supporting the underage club are all ways this job can be done. That’s the best part about this pageant, you can do how much or how little you are comfortable with or capable of. There are no limits. I view this pageant, and the club’s very existence in fact, as a “stepping stone” into queer adult hood and our GLBT Community. Sorry you have gotten mixed messages from others, as you can imagine, something that has been around so long can mean so many different things to so many different people. I think as long as the traditional integrity of the pageant and it’s titles remain in tact, it’s candidates and organizers can get out of it whatever works best for them. Thanks for your question! Hope to see you at this years pageant, Saturday, March 20th, 11pm. Poison

I am in desperate need of some help. (what a cliché way to start off a letter) I am an aspiring drag queen from a small town about four hours south of Portland on the coast. (Coos Bay, maybe you've heard of it?) But anyway, I am moving to Portland around March and I would really like to start my career as a prominent drag queen in the Rose City. I have taken on a name- Vegas Stripps- and invested in a couple of wigs, a pair of seven inch bright red stiletto's, and a couple of outfits. So I think I am off to a good start. I have some help from a lovely queen who has taken to behind the scenes after a long career. Which makes me think....she ran against you when you ran for the title of Rosebud, Miss Morgan Lafaye- or as we passionately call him, Bernie? Ok, back to the problem...

Where do I start when I get up there, what do I do to get my self "famous", how do I get to start doing performances (I must mention, I am only 17, and will be 18 when I find my way up to Portland). I am friends with the lovely Delana O'dora, but who knows if she would have time or even want to help me. HELP HELP HELP! And one other thing, do you have any tips to help make me the best that I can possibly be?

First of all, welcome to the City of Roses! Yes, I've heard of Coos Bay, but have yet to find myself there! And of course I know Miss Bernie! How lucky for you to have been taken under the wing of one of our state's most beautiful and talented ......now if only we could get her up here and out of retirement! But that is another letter, I suppose!

Back to you, Miss Stripps......It sounds like you are well on your way. I always say practice makes perfect and the more you come out and get on stage, the better you will become! We all are in the growing process, every one of us! Delana will definitely be a great resource for you, as she is more prominent in the under age crowd than I these days. There aren't many outlets for someone your age, but that gives you all the more time to perfect your craft and WOW us completely when you are 21! I'll be hosting the All Ages Show again in 2004 at Darcelle XV in March, you are most definitely invited to join us that evening.

Good luck and I look forward to our meeting soon! And please give my dear Bernie a big wet one for me! Love, Poison

I am well known in the gay community as the little fag that thought he could. See, 5 months ago I joined the United States Military in order to better my life, and to show the world that a homosexual CAN make it in the United States Army. Well, the officers of the army didn't particularly like that when I told them I was. Why did I say anything? Because I am VERY proud to be gay and I wanted everyone to see that. I think that you shouldn't have to change WHO you are or WHAT you believe in for anyone, not even the Army.

So I am now on my way back home to Portland after being dismissed from the Army. Do you think what I did was right? Do you think everyone back home will welcome me home as the same person, and not a failure?

I absolutely think what you did was right! If that is what you wanted to do, then how can it be wrong? Everyone is different, but believing in yourself and and having the courage and conviction to be the true you, regardless of the consequence...now that is LIVING OUT LOUD! Good for you! In my eyes you are coming home a hero and an asset to our Community. Thank you for sharing your story with me.

I would love a truthful answer to this one. I was wondering how clubs like KlubZ can really stay open with all the drugs that are being taken there? I think this is another CITY nightclub waiting to happen. I was wondering, I feel this underage club is not a benefit to our younger youth but a bad influence for them. I know if they are going to use drugs they will do it wherever, but monkey see monkey do, and I just can't imagine why kids now days are so willing to risk their lives in that manner? Thank you, All ZZZ"d out

I'm in the same place as you friend, I too can't imagine why the "kids" are so willing to risk their lives. And I'm afraid there isn't just one good answer. As you know, a lot of the youth in our Community are in a questionable time in their lives, and that can be scary. Unfortunately, people of all ages handle these situations differently. Peer pressure is also a dangerous thing, but we can all agree that there's not quick fix for that one either.

I was once one of these knuckle heads who thought drug use was going to be the answer, although I didn't get into that "world" until I was in my 20's.............younger or older, drugs are never the answer. Thank GOD I figured that out and moved on.

I don't think the "club" is entirely to blame for the problem, as you suggest. The outlet it provides is VERY valuable to our Community as a whole. People need to do a better job at policing themselves, and friends need to be more aggressive in discouraging drug use whenever they witness it. Perhaps an anti-drug campaign (posters, literature) can be put in place at the club? Try contacting the management and see if they can work that out. Our Multnomah County Health Department should be able to provide that stuff at no charge.

Also, I know there are shows around midnight on the weekends, maybe you or someone else could open the show with a drug free message? My schedule is so crazy these days, but the next time I'm an entertainer at the club, I'll certainly do my best to remember your letter and mention the subject myself.

Thanks for your letter and thank you for being a concerned and valuable member of our Community! XOXO P

Dear Diva

After viewing your website and reading many of your letters, I'm convinced that you have got to be one of the most interesting and truest Diva's out there on the web. And I've seen a lot! Anyone can dress up, anyone can name themselves a diva, but you my dear are the epitome of the word and I want to thank you for representing and being such a fantastic role model in your community.

I hail from Western Michigan, and I've never been to Portland. I've never even been west of Minneapolis. But if I ever make it out that way I know who is first on my list of people to meet!

Now for my question: Recently I've started my own website here to promote and support the art of female impersonation. It is so very conservative here, even the gay community tended to look down their nose at drag. But I'm happy to say that is slowly changing. It is becoming a respected art again and I'm happy to have been a part of that change. Do you have any additional advice for me? How can I expand? What types of things or people should I avoid, and what should I embrace? One of these days I hope to own my own pageant but I'm not sure how to acheive that goal. Thanks for your time!

Dear Michigan Sister!

ADVICE? From me? It sounds like YOU could be the one dishing out the advice dear. Your e-mail paints you as a driven and focused gal on the go who ain't slowing down for nothing! Good for you! I checked out your site and I think it looks great! That Community of yours better listen up to what you have to say or I'll have to come over there and take 'em on with ya! It seems as if you are doing a great job and I know you'll keep up the good work! I believe you have the common sense to avoid negative people or those with hidden agendas. It's easy for us "girls" to be used by others to promote them and forget about us! Don't fall for it! Embrace any and everything that looks and feels good! Trust your gut. If something seems fishy (no pun intended) then, it probably is! I'm going to keep my eye on you...............now when can we expect a visit? Cheers! Poison

I'm really not sure how to put this at all and I don't want you to be insulted... but I have had this infatuation or wonder in my head to dress in drag for my birthday and put on a show! But I feel I need some guidance on this and I thought maybe you would be my helping hand?

I know it sounds weird but I really want to try it if you would give me some pointers or know of someone who could help me out. I would greatly appreciate it. I actually already have a name picked out to do the show on my birthday my name would be Niko Carter? What do you think? Please let me know what you think and if you can give me any help at all.

Thanks, Bryan

Niko Darling! Thank you for your message, and heck no! I don't think this is weird at all! I think EVERYONE should get "all dolled up" at least ONCE! And your Birthday sounds like the perfect time to me! AS for pointers and/or tips.....it's all fun and easy friend! As long as you go into it with the right attitude (which it seems you are), you'll be fine. Try going to watch some of the weekend "girls" at the Embers, most of them would love to give you some assistance. The sooner you begin, the better.....you've got shopping to do! Have fun and Happy Birthday! PMW44

I recently started doing drag. I had a really good night I was looking my best and I was being as nice and gracious to people as well as I could. But a certain individual at Klub Z who was always nice to my drunk ass gave me the nastiest glare and when I went to say hi to him and try to be nice by saying do you recognize me he was all like yes and then turned his head and continued to mug. Why would he go through such great lengths to try and put me down? Have you ever encountered situations like this before?

Well, my dear....perhaps you just caught him off guard? Did he know you'd be in drag? Maybe he likes you more than you think he does and his initial reaction was that of surprise. You know how these young men can be. As long as you liked what you were doing, as long as you felt good............pay no attention to the attitudes of others. In time you'll find who are your real friends, and hopefully this person will come around.

I've encountered situations like this and many others in my time. I've always just stuck to my guns and have learned that most people can be won over if you stand firm in who you are and what you believe in. Take care......PW

Dear Poison - Solstice and I have come up with a great idea to help the Cascade AIDS project. We would like to put together two teams of Drag Queens and play Drag Queen softball. We would sell tickets to the event and all proceeds would go to the Cascade AIDS project. I have contacted PGE Park and am waiting on a response. If they decline, we'll seek out another venue. We'll get local sports stores to lend the equipment and local radio stations to advertise.
I was foreseeing the event sometime in July.

After the event, Klub-Z would have a baseball night or "jock" night at the Klub to continue the festivities. Michael (Solstice) and I could decorate the Klub with a sports theme and the Cascade AIDS project would be invited to set up a booth in the Klub and at the event to give out info vital to the gay youth.

Michael and I would like to see you as the Mistress of Ceremonies at many of are events because you are the consummate DIVA! You are perfect in every possible way.

When we get the Drag Queen softball idea going...would you be there...and be one of the announcers?

Jeremy (Silver Waters)

Yes to everything! As long as I have plenty of notice, I should be able to help you out on any of your projects. The softball thing sounds like lots of fun! Please keep me posted! I think your positive attitude and drive can only provide you with success! Keep up the good work!

Hi my name is Kenneth Rex, I just turned 18 and have been working for the past 3 years on my act.I started dancing when i was 5 and have been doing all kinds of shows here in the bay area.I have done many drags shows and I love it!

I'm moving to Portland in a week and I need to find a job. what do you think I should do? I e-mailed Klub-Z but they never got back to me? I NEED HELP!! lol

Hi there! The Klub Z site was down for awhile, but is back up now........that really is the only place for an underage person to perform. In late June, I'll be hosting an all ages show at a drag bar called Darcelle XV. Contact me again and we can get you in that one, okay? I'm looking forward to meeting you, take care! As far as a job goes....well, there are all sorts of fun stuff to do here. Of course the economy isn't so hot...but if you are ambitious (which you seem to be), I don't think you'll have much trouble. Later! Poison

Just out of curiosity... as I was perusing the Silverado website I was looking at your pictures and my friend and I noticed that you have gum showing in your mouth in nearly every picture. So I ventured onto your site, www.poisonwaters.com and found several other pictures showing gum in your mouth. Is having gum in your smile your little trademark?

Hi there eagle eyes! Yes, it seems I've developed my own little trademark.............It came about from running into too many patrons in the bars with booze breath.........I never want to have that...... and I can't stop drinking! :-) I've been chewing gum NON stop for many years. Everyone has tried to get me to stop this bad habit, from my own mother to Eartha Kitt herself! I even chewed gum through my entire run as Jacob the maid in the Musical Theater Company's La Cage aux Folles! My director made me spit it out at the first rehearsal, but I snuck some more in and he never said anything about it! :-) At any rate...I've TRIED public speaking without the gum, and it just doesn't work! I always have several packs of my personal favorite, Extra-Polar Ice, on hand....and the Silverado has even began stocking a Costco size carton of the stuff for me, "just in case"!

Keep on chewing my friend! If nothing else, it's a natural face lift! And NO booze breath! PMW

I have a question for you.. I am planning on running for the Tittle of Rosebud XXVII, this coming spring. One of the other people who is planning on running against me has been caught saying very negative, derogatory things about me. This person and I were very friendly towards one another until I was informed of this. She DENIED telling anyone that "I was having some issues with Crystal Meth." Even though two others have told me she did. I have NO reason to doubt them. I am well aware that this is the sort of thing I will be faced with if I win the Title. However, I am now worried that, with these things being said, My chances of capturing a lot of votes are being diminished. What is the BEST way to deal with this ? Have you ever had similar Issues with people ?

I must thank you for your patience. I appreciate your waiting for my response. It is an unfortunate situation you find yourself in, and I agree with you, This is the very SAME type of thing you will face time and time again if you should win. The old adage, "actions speak louder than words" is so true. Don't worry about what is being said.......concentrate more on what is being done! What it is YOU can do, the job you are prepared to do, must be proved through your actions...........that will always prevail over negative attack campaigns and gossip fueled by jealousies and insecurities. All my best to you! Keep your chin up and go for it!

I go to Klub Z more often than most people. In fact, you can find me down there every weekend. Just recently, I have found out that I have a disease that could very well kill me down the road. I am very scared and I really don't know what to do. People that go to the club are very superficial and I do not know if I could trust to tell them my secret. But these people may become a very large part of my life, as they are now, when I run for Thorn next year. Please give me your honest opinion, and tell me what I should do.

Thank you for coming to me with your question. It is a sad but true statement about the superficiality, not only in Klub Z, but throughout our entire Community. I think you are smart enough to realize whom you can trust with your secret. Please don't feel you need to divulge your entire self, if you are not ready to do so. Just because you are planning on running for Thorn, and even if you win, there is no reason to surrender all of your privacy. Take care, and choose wisely, whom your share your secrets with. Of course, my position has always been, screw anyone who doesn't like you for YOU. P

Hi Poison...I have a...friend who is very interested in doing drag and running for Rosebud next year. He's done drag before and is actually quite beautiful. He's 19 and also very attractive as a boy. The problem is, he doesn't want "the cute boys" to know he's a drag queen, afraid of them not liking him anymore. What to do ?

A friend.

What a sweet soul you are to relay the message for your obviously insecure friend. First of all, WHY would he care to maintain a friendship with a "cute boy" who would drop him so quickly just because he does drag? None of us should have friends we can only keep under certain conditions, right? And maybe he's not giving these "CB's" enough credit? Maybe they'll love him even more?!

Anyway, drag shouldn't be done if he's going to be hiding it from the very people he hopes to represent as the next Rosebud (potentially). He's not Spiderman for corn sakes! People only live that secret double life in the movies........or at least that's where they belong as far as I'm concerned.

Please tell your friend to live his life to the fullest, and on HIS terms............that's the only way to truly gain happiness.

Thanks for your e-mail. I heard about "Empress Express" in Seattle, but I'd never seen or heard of anyone up there actually DOING it. Especially a full week. So I chose the week after our Pride and before the Gay Oregon Pageant and Peacock in the Park for the very first Empress Week!

I kind of based it on my Empress Campaign where I held different functions in different bars, so that's how I designed my Empress week. Every night from Sunday to Sunday, I have a different event. Tuesday and Saturday I have two, in two different locations. Every other day is a fund raiser, the alternate days are FUN raisers.

All of the participating bars are really excited, as are my campaigners. It gives us all a chance to recapture that positive energy and fun we had in October. (not that we've lost it!). I'm used to doing lots of drag, so the commitment of "doing face" all week wasn't even an issue. :-)

I hope this starts a trend, even if only in Portland. I'm having a great time, and love showing people what can be done with a little imagination and dedication.

I need your help!! I have a wonderful, talented and horrible beautiful drag queen friend. She is quite well known around the country and held in very high esteem in our home community as well. HOWEVER... the girl seems to only know ONE number to perform. During my last visit with her I had to endure the same number with the same spin, in the same place at least 3 times. Please, please ... how do I help her???

Look on the bright side. At least your friend does one song really, REALLY well, as apposed to these queens who do a different song each time quite poorly! (and you know who you are girls!) Your friend sounds like quite a person who posses many gifts. I can't imagine why you have chosen this one point to fixate on? Hopefully you'll be able to overlook this, and concentrate on your friends natural beauty and genuine sense of fabulousness!

Dear Poison, When I was little, I remember eating dry dog food in my family's garage because I liked it and thought it was a snack. My mother was very upset with me, but I didn't care. So here is my question: How do you keep your teeth so clean and white? Just Wondering

Listen Just, does your mother or mental health specialist know you're going online? Anyway, you didn't specify your gender which would have helped me retort. I've met lots of fellas who turned out to be dogs, and I won't even go there with the ladies. My teeth are not the product of some chuck wagon craving.............but instead a fabulous procedure called "bonding", and a very generous friend! But, I thank you for your interest, now sit! And give yourself a treat! - Poison

Hi Poison, sometimes my boyfriend wants me to bite him, but I'm afraid I may hurt him. Why would this turn him on? And is it okay to bite?

Well Drac.........it's sounds like you may have an issue. What I know for sure is, the last dude that bit me, had to go have HIS teeth "bonded"! (see previous question). But that's just me, I may look like chocolate, but think ice cream, not candy bar. Lick, don't Bite! Talk to your partner and tell him you're not comfortable with his fetish...........maybe you can start slowly? With a little nibble perhaps? Good luck! PW

When is it appropriate to wear your crown in public and more importantly, when is it not? Future Queen

Well, my dear, it's my belief that there is never a time when it is not appropriate to wear my crown in public. As I am the picture of grace and elegance, it seems fitting to appear in my crown at all times! Ha ha! You didn't buy that last bit did you? Basically, it's my crown and I can wear it whenever the heck I please. Although I'm always The Empress, and will always be AN Empress, there are times when I'm appearing AS the Empress and times when I'm just hanging out. Whenever I'm attending Court functions, Community events, and such, I think it's quite appropriate. If I'm watching drag queen wrestling, I may leave it at home. The judgment call is up to the wearer of the crown, I suppose. I say, "if you've got it, WEAR it!" Thanks! P

(I'm from New Orleans, so I like to call ladies by their first name, prefixed by "Miss") Ok, I feel really silly writing a fan letter to my favorite drag queen, but I can't help it. I mean, as a straight female, I can only aspire to your fabulousness. I've seen you a few times at Klub Z, and I just don't understand how a man can be so much better at being girly and precious than a female? One of life's mysteries, I suppose. So, here's my dilemma: I would really dig dating a drag queen....but, of course, it seems like none of them are straight. So aside from lusting after Miss Kitty, my social life is barren. What shall I do?

Desperately Reaching After Girly- Male Expatriates (notice my clever anagram!)

Hey there, hip chick! Thanks for your letter! Any person in their right mind would love to date a drag queen! I, myself, have my fair share of stalkers! We are the funnest of all the genders! Do not despair, your princess charming is out there! He/She will arrive just in time, trust me! The next time you see me.......grab yourself a big ol' handful of booty and hopefully that will fulfill your lustful desires for the time being! I'm actually juggling several suitors at this time, otherwise I'd ask you out! Good luck! PMW44

My Dearest Poison,
I live in the sleepy (but Up-And-Coming) Gay Community of Salem. I have been a court member in three States and four Cities for the last 10 years. I have always performed as a Male, but recently started doing Drag. I was amazed at how much more fun it is to be a "Queen". My Question to you is this... Is it considered to be a "Put Down" to Call yourself a "Drag Queen" as opposed to "Female Impersonator"? I ask this because all the girls I have known in my many years of Court involvement have always called themselves Drag Queens, but the Owner of the Club here says "What, so now you are a Drag Queen? I don't have Drag Queens in MY Club." I'm not sure if this was meant as a put down, or if one of us is just a lot less in tune with our Community. I personally have always thought of a Female Impersonator as a Straight (or Gay) man that uses his Drag Talents as a Career, or means of earning a living, and a Drag Queen as a Gay man that does it for fun and charity. Could you please enlighten myself and our community as to which is more or less correct?

Thank You, Bewildered and Befuddled

Hello BB!
As always, I can only speak for myself..............I am honored to call my self a Drag Queen and don't find it demeaning in any way. What else do you call a man in a dress? Many, however are turned off by that term, all I can say to them is........do you pee standing up? Then get over it! As long as we're all having fun and there are charities benefiting from it.........call yourselves whatever the heck ya want! Just don't call yourself Poison Marie Waters, that's taken!
Thanks dear...........happy Spring! PMW44

Dear Poison, I love chiffon and lace and rhinestones WORN ON ANYBODY--I can't help it, I just do. And I've got a question. What if you and your friends are straight females (there are a few left) and you like to play dress up and somebody joins you in an event and SURPRISE! it seems that this "she" is really a "he." Now if they'd identified themselves ahead of time, that's cool. But to attend women's teas and other social events posing......well, what do we do with THIS? It is a bit awkward when the function involves women getting undressed and dressed together. I think this person thinks they are "passing" and I don't appreciate the dishonesty. I will defend to the death their right to dress however they want--but this seems sneaky to me. (And if this isn't a guy, then it is the ugliest sister on the planet.) Alyce

Alyce - I agree..............this person needs to be honest with you ladies up front, then it's up to you to decide if he/she can continue joining in on the fun. And if she is a she..........poor ugly dear............maybe a hat with a veil might help? XO Me

Congratulations on your new position! The town seems to be a buzz over their new Empress. I was wondering how you will juggle all of your pre-Empress engagements with your new responsibilities? I see your face and name in newspapers all the time, you are a very busy girl! Thanks for answering my question. Have a great reign. Loyal Subject

First I want to thank you for your letter. I think many in our Community have wondered the same thing you did. Have no fear..............all of my "pre-Empress engagements" will now only be enhanced by my new position and bring further exposure to the Rose Court.

As many know, I'm one of the most visible members of our Community. Now, whenever I'm appearing somewhere, supporting one cause or another....it'll be Rose Empress Poison Waters, thus bringing the ISRC into the picture as well.

The kind of Empress I hope to be is one who everyone knows and sees often. I almost never turn down an invitation, and that won't change, only now, I'll be wearing a crown. If I'm not out supporting the Community that elected me, with the thought I'm too busy being Empress, what the heck would I be doing? My nails? I don't think so! I like to have fun and help people, that's what I do. Empress or not, that's me. This year, it just so happens I AM Empress, so look out for me...............cuz I'll be there!

You are my favorite female impersonator in the entire world!! How can you be both so funny and so nice all rolled into one? We are so lucky to have you here and I hope you don't get too famous and leave us (kidding!.. you go girl!) I am writing to gripe about some other drag queen celebs in Portland who are not so nice as you. Some are just plain caustic, thinking they're funny. There's a way to joke with people and a way to come off as just plain bitchy. No one wants to hear the latter, but unfortunately sometimes we get subjected big time. Can you give those girls any tips? Wishing you were always the hostess,

PS I read your letter about you being sincere to those boys who asked if you were acting. I believe you are sincere, good person, though I have found that you are sooo popular that at times it is hard to keep your attention. That only makes sense.

Please forgive the delayed response, my sweet sweet boy! What a charmer you are! I certainly appreciate your message, and can only wonder myself why more gals don't take the high road, it's SO easy to be positive and genuinely friendly! I only know what works for me and doubt preaching to the others would help. I hope to lead by example, let's hope it works! Take care my precious! And I promise to try to not get so distracted that it becomes hard to keep my attention! smooches!

Do you answer your own e-mails or does a service do it? You're sexy and I'd like to chat with you. Is that possible? K.

Hello you little charmer! Of course I answer my own e-mails! I couldn't let some "service" handle my very personal business!

Do Drag Queens go through menopause? The way some of them carry on, I'm inclined to believe the answer to be yes.

As I am but a child myself, thoughts of menopause rarely cross my mind. Although, I must admit, I tend to agree with you. Crankiness, hot flashes and uncontrollable hair growth are all traits of the Drag Queens we all know and love. So, I suppose the answer is yes, we DQ's do indeed suffer from Menopause. Just not in the traditional sense, where it's only for a certain period of time, but throughout ones career!

I will be attending the 20th Anniversary of La Femme Magnifique this Labor Day weekend, and I can't imagine what I'll wear! I will be there to support friends and watch the show, not to compete. But it's so easy to feel underdressed next to a veritable bevy of glamorous girls such as yourself.

I have an appalling shortage of formal wear, and am not even sure if it's a formal event. What would be appropriate? Have you any suggestions for a fashion-challenged gal like me?

Calm yourself dear one, there's no REAL fashion police. Especially at an event put on by drag queens...most of whom suffer from severe fashion confusion. As long as you feel comfortable and beautiful, you will be perceived as such. Unless you'll be on stage and in the spotlight, I wouldn't get too worked up over your choice of outfit. Like I tell my friends who want to go in drag, but are not in the show, "Would you dress up as a clown to go watch the Circus?". Thanks for you letter, I'm sure you were the darling, well dressed gal of the new millennium you set out to be!

Recently while enjoying the Gay Pride celebration, I met a man from Seattle. We shared a wonderful weekend together and I thought it was going to turn into something special. The problem is, I haven't heard from him since then and have left him many messages at both home and work. Any advice?

My dear Still Waiting, may I call you Glenn Close? STOP WAITING and move on!!!!!!!!! The stalking laws in the State of Washington are more strict then here in the Beaver State. So, just enjoy the memory of the fun weekend, and come on down to the Silverado's Church of the Poison Mind.........where I'm sure you'll find your next victim, uh, I mean boyfriend!

Hi Poison.........my partner and I had so much fun at Peacock in the Park, but we had one question? Why isn't there a beer garden? Just wondering.

Well, Miss 40 oz..........there isn't a Beer Garden (and will never be) at Peacock in the Park for several reasons. Our event is a "Family" event, not a rock concert. We've been in the beautiful amphitheater in Washington Park for 15 years without any complaints filed with the City of Portland. The neighborhood association has welcomed us year after year because it is a picnic. The addition of a Beer Garden sends a red flag to the people that issue our Park Permits, as well as the Police Department and Insurance Agency. Our permits allow us to allow you to bring in your own bevies, and we think that's worked out pretty well. So, pack up your six pack (or case for all I care) and leave the planning to us! See you next year!

Poison Waters.........I remember seeing you at the old City Nightclub many times and wondered why you haven't been to the new Klub Z very much?

Dear UF, thanks for taking the time to ask. You are right, I have not been as visible to the new Klub Z. With the exception of the last two Rosebud and Thorn pageants, I haven't been there at all. There's no good reason, and I will attempt to fit more regular appearances in my schedule. One of the highlights of my earlier days as Poison Waters, was hosting a regular show at the City Nightclub. I think the young audiences enjoyed the older, more established performers I invited from the community. I was pretty good friends with the then owner Lanny Swerdlow, and perhaps need to establish a closer working relationship with the current owner. Look for me....I promise to make it back soon! xoxo Poison

Dear Poison, with Gay Pride rapidly approaching, I'm worried I won't have a boyfriend in time for the festivities. Do you have any suggestions???

My dear Just, You know you do not need a boyfriend to fully enjoy all that our Gay Pride has to offer. Between the rallies, parade, and out of town guests, you should have no problem pairing up with some fine piece of Gay Pride Booty! Hello?!

Can we say "Beer Garden"? If you can't haul something outta there, maybe you're straight?

Hi Miss Poison, Why is it that drag queens get mad if you touch them? I just don't understand you ladies sometimes?

Well Sticky, it all depends on the queen, and how and where you touch them. If it were me, I'd say "Bring it on"! Anytime anywhere! Just kidding. You know, it's not always that we like to put time and effort into a "look", only to have our hair smashed by a stranger’s "choke hold". Or to have our perfectly pressed outfit wrinkled by an "innocent" grope, or, the WORSE by far, our flawlessly blended make up smeared by a potential suitors wandering hands and lips. We may look plastic, but we're not...well some of us are, but that's another column all together.

A good rule of thumb is to ASK before you touch. Unless it's me, then I say " grab and RUN"!!!!!!! Good luck.

Dear Wondering, you are a sick and twisted individual and I'm free on Wednesday's. I don't discuss sex in the newsletter because it's a family publication and I'm a lady! Not to mention I can't discuss a subject that isn't presented to me, right? So, what about sex would you like to discuss, you little perv?

Dear Poison, I know you are a big, big star and always busy. I was wondering how you have time for YOU? Or is being Poison your entire social life?

Well Nate, if this is your lame attempt at asking me out, the answer is YES!!! What time shall I be ready? Just kidding (kind of). Of course I think of my Poison time as social time.....even when I'm getting paid, but I'm sure you know....that's very draining (in a good way) and I often look "away" from Poison for additional social interaction. I enjoy lots of different stimulations.....cultural, that is (movies, plays, concerts). And I also enjoy a smoke filled Bingo hall with my mother in tow, every now and again. Now I feel I've shared enough...you'll get the rest of my story when you take me out. Till then, thanks for your letter...nosey isn't always a bad thing.

Hi Poison, hope you get this letter before it's too late. I've seen you out and about lately and you always seem to be having fun. I was worried though, because you always seem to be in the company of different men. I hope you know these characters and trust them to take care of you when you get, shall we say, a little tipsy??? Just looking out for you.

Auntie Dear Auntie...piss off! (Ha Ha Ha). What a sweet and charming sentiment...you being worried about BIG, Black. 200# me!!! I can assure you I am quite capable of taking care of myself in certain situations. It had been quite some years (sadly) since Miss Poison has found herself alone with a stranger. The "characters" you've seen me with lately are my friends. I'm rarely alone...a blessing as well as a curse. I've always got more than one fellow at hand to take care of me...as you said, when I am "tipsy"...which, by the way, the term is DRUNK! Why waste good Vodka getting tipsy??? Anyway, thanks for your concern. "My people" DO love me, don't they?

Dear Poison, first I'd like to congratulate you on your new column in Coming Up Roses. I enjoy the newsletter very much and look forward to reading your column monthly. I've always been a fan of your humor and realism. Often these two traits are lost in our Community. I don't really have a problem for you to solve, more like a story to share with you and your readers. About a year ago, I began dating a woman who is much younger than me. She's only been out a short while and at times seems a bit overwhelmed by the whole "scene". Our relationship has been growing steadily, but every so often she calls for a sort of "time out", claiming she's afraid she's settling down too soon, afraid she may be missing out on other possibilities. Of course I abide by her wishes, only to have her come back to me after she realizes that yes, there's a lot more out there, but quality always beats out quantity. I'm writing to you with this in hopes some other newcomers to the "scene" might read this and think before jumping ship, looking for those greener pastures. Thank you and Happy New Year!

Dear Goodie, my what a lengthy letter! Maybe she wants a "time out" to let you catch your breath...you're kinda long winded! Thank you for your sweet words and vote of confidence, I hope you, as well as the rest of my readers, can find a little something here to help you along life's bumpy roads. Your little friend sure is lucky to have found such a patient and understanding person to date...most folks I know wouldn't have taken her back so quickly, and did you say "several times"? I hope she realizes what a treasure she's got at home the next time her eyes start to wander.

I've been in a similar situation (yes, ME!), and you can't help but feel used and taken advantage of. But my mamma always said, "no one can use you, unless you let 'em!". And those are my words to you...if you don't mind the back and forth....stick it out...hopefully she'll wake up before it's too late.

Hi Poison. I sure hope this makes it into your next column because I'm really mad! I do drag quite a bit and like to hang out at the Silverado. One of my so called friends who KINDA does drag too ALWAYS tries to pick up on the same guys as me! I try to give her subtle hints to back off, but she just don't seem to get the point. What should I do?

My dear "pissed"...calm yourself chile....first of all, experience tells me that there ain't NO man worth getting all worked up over! Second of all, I don't think your "so called friend" can possibly be that good of a friend if she's always trying to get what you want!

My friend Diva Simone Slaughter and I went through the same thing...except it was with purses! EVERYTIME I'd go to buy a purse, she'd want the same one. If I had an orange purse...SHE'D have an orange purse. If someone gave me a leopard print purse... SHE'D go out and get herself one too! I finally had to tell her in no uncertain terms...Girl! Getcha own dang style of purse and leave mine alone! It was rough, but I may have saved our friendship, which may have otherwise ended with us having it out at Ross Dress for Less in the fashion accessories Department!

But, I digress...Tell your "friend" that you are not her taste tester...the Silverado is big enough for the both of you, there's plenty of dudes to go around. (Just stay outta the basement. That's my territory!). Good luck girl, see ya around!

Dear Poison, what makes you think you can write a column on advice and love and the like? It doesn't seem to me you'd be the type of person who knows much about anything more than talking on a mic and running around Stark Street.

Well! I'd like to first remind you "Curious", about what killed that proverbial cat. I have nothing but love here in the Ask Poison column. So, I will not "let you have it", much to the disappointment of most of my readers, I'm sure.

Yes, I may spend a lot of time talking on a mic and running around Stark Street. Anyone who is paying attention would know those are GREAT qualifications to hand out advice on a plethora of subjects. In my 13 years of being Poison Waters, I have witnessed more happenings of all magnitudes than most folks would care to dream about. I flatter myself by saying to you, yes, I do know an awful lot about an awful lot. I sense some pent up hostilities..... could there be something you wish to discuss w/ me? I doubt your negative tone really has anything to do with me personally.....so, come on. Open up! I'm here for you!

Dear Poison, my boyfriend and I met you at the Silverado recently, you were so nice to us, but we wondered if that was just an act, you know, part of your job?

My goodness Bob! What a bold question!!! But an honest one at that. My "job" at the Silverado is to announce Male Strippers and Bar Specials. My "goal" as a regional celebrity and Community supporter, is to make each and every person I encounter feel as if I have given them my full attention to the fullest of my capability at the time. Often, certain situations prevent that from happening...usually NOT my fault..as you can imagine. I am a lady (for the most part) and LOVE everyone. It's difficult for me to feel "crossed" by someone, or "done wrong" or dis-respected. But when I do, believe me, that person knows it! (not to mention anyone else within the sound of my voice) So, the answer to your question is YES! My treatment of you and your boyfriend was genuine. If you were nice to me, I'm sure I was overly nice to you. Hope to see you both again very soon!

This last letter reminds me of a favorite quote "though it's nice to be important, it's more important to be nice!"

Thanks for your letters. If you need some friendly advice from Portland's most beloved and notorious female impersonator, go to my contact me page and send me an e-mail. Take care...hope to hear from you soon!