Alyce - I agree..............this person needs to be honest with you ladies up front, then it's up to you to decide if he/she can continue joining in on the fun. And if she is a she..........poor ugly dear............maybe a hat with a veil might help? XO Me

Dear Poison, Congratulations on your new position! The town seems to be a buzz over their new Empress. I was wondering how you will juggle all of your pre-Empress engagements with your new responsibilities? I see your face and name in newspapers all the time, you are a very busy girl! Thanks for answering my question. Have a great reign. Loyal Subject

Hi there Lo-Sub,

First I want to thank you for your letter. I think many in our Community have wondered the same thing you did. Have no fear..............all of my "pre-Empress engagements" will now only be enhanced by my new position and bring further exposure to the Rose Court. 

As many know, I'm one of the most visible members of our Community. Now, whenever I'm appearing somewhere, supporting one cause or another....it'll be Rose Empress Poison Waters, thus bringing the ISRC into the picture as well.

The kind of Empress I hope to be is one who everyone knows and sees often. I almost never turn down an invitation, and that won't change, only now, I'll be wearing a crown. If I'm not out supporting the Community that elected me, with the thought I'm too busy being Empress, what the heck would I be doing? My nails? I don't think so! I like to have fun and help people, that's what I do. Empress or not, that's me. This year, it just so happens I AM Empress, so look out for me...............cuz I'll be there!

thanks again..............PW44

Dear Poison, You are  my favorite female impersonator in the entire world!! How can you be both so funny and so nice all rolled into one? We are so lucky to have you here and I hope you don't get too famous and leave us (kidding!.. you go girl!) I am writing to gripe about some other drag queen celebs in Portland who are not so nice as you. Some are just plain caustic, thinking they're funny. There's a way to joke with people and a way to come off as just plain bitchy. No one wants to hear the latter, but unfortunately sometimes we get subjected big time. Can you give those girls any tips? Wishing you were always the hostess, 

Missing the Sweetness  

PS I read your letter about you being sincere to those boys who asked if you were acting. I believe you are sincere, good person, though I have found that you are sooo popular that at times it is hard to keep your attention. That only makes sense.

Please forgive the delayed response, my sweet sweet boy! What a charmer you are! I certainly appreciate your message, and can only wonder myself why more gals don't take the high road, it's SO easy to be positive and genuinely friendly! I only know what works for me and doubt preaching to the others would help. I hope to lead by example, let's hope it works! Take care my precious! And I promise to try to not get so distracted that it becomes hard to keep my attention! smooches! 

PW

Dear Poison, Do you answer your own e-mails or does a service do it? You're sexy and I'd like to chat with you. Is that possible? K. 

Hello you little charmer! Of course I answer my own e-mails! I couldn't let some "service" handle my very personal business! 

Poison

Dear Poison,

Do Drag Queens go through menopause?  The way some of them carry on, I'm inclined to believe the answer to be yes. 

A Poison Fan

Dear Fan,

As I am but a child myself, thoughts of menopause rarely cross my mind. Although, I must admit, I tend to agree with you. Crankiness, hot flashes and uncontrollable hair growth are all traits of the Drag Queens we all know and love. So, I suppose the answer is yes, we DQ's do indeed suffer from Menopause. Just not in the traditional sense, where it's only for a certain period of time, but throughout ones career!

Thanks for writing! PW

Dear Poison,

I will be attending the 20th Anniversary of La Femme Magnifique this Labor Day weekend, and I can't imagine what I'll wear! I will be there to support friends and watch the show, not to compete. But it's so easy to feel underdressed next to a veritable bevy of glamorous girls such as yourself.

I have an appalling shortage of formal wear, and am not even sure if it's a formal event. What would be appropriate? Have you any suggestions for a fashion-challenged gal like me?

signed,

Drab and Desperate

Dear D&D,

Calm yourself dear one, there's no REAL fashion police. Especially at an event put on by drag queens...most of whom suffer from severe fashion confusion. As long as you feel comfortable and beautiful, you will be perceived as such. Unless you'll be on stage and in the spotlight, I wouldn't get too worked up over your choice of outfit. Like I tell my friends who want to go in drag, but are not in the show, "Would you dress up as a clown to go watch the Circus?". Thanks for you letter, I'm sure you were the darling, well dressed gal of the new millennium you set out to be!

Signed, Still Waiting

My dear Still Waiting, may I call you Glenn Close? STOP WAITING and move on!!!!!!!!! The stalking laws in the State of Washington are more strict then here in the Beaver State. So, just enjoy the memory of the fun weekend, and come on down to the Silverado's Church of the Poison Mind.........where I'm sure you'll find your next victim, uh, I mean boyfriend!

Miss Forty Ounce

Well, Miss 40 oz..........there isn't a Beer Garden (and will never be) at Peacock in the Park for several reasons. Our event is a "Family" event, not a rock concert. We've been in the beautiful amphitheater in Washington Park for 15 years without any complaints filed with the City of Portland. The neighborhood association has welcomed us year after year because it is a picnic. The addition of a Beer Garden sends a red flag to the people that issue our Park Permits, as well as the Police Department and Insurance Agency. Our permits allow us to allow you to bring in your own bevies, and we think that's worked out pretty well. So, pack up your six pack (or case for all I care) and leave the planning to us! See you next year!

Poison Waters.........I remember seeing you at the old City Nightclub many times and wondered why you haven't been to the new Klub Z very much?

From an Underage Fan

Dear UF, thanks for taking the time to ask. You are right, I have not been as visible to the new Klub Z. With the exception of the last two Rosebud and Thorn pageants, I haven't been there at all. There's no good reason, and I will attempt to fit more regular appearances in my schedule. One of the highlights of my earlier days as Poison Waters, was hosting a regular show at the City Nightclub. I think the young audiences enjoyed the older, more established performers I invited from the community. I was pretty good friends with the then owner Lanny Swerdlow, and perhaps need to establish a closer working relationship with the current owner. Look for me....I promise to make it back soon! xoxo Poison 

Dear Poison, with Gay Pride rapidly approaching, I'm worried I won't have a boyfriend in time for the festivities. Do you have any suggestions???

Just Looking

My dear Just, You know you do not need a boyfriend to fully enjoy all that our Gay Pride has to offer. Between the rallies, parade, and out of town guests, you should have no problem pairing up with some fine piece of Gay Pride Booty! Hello?!

Hi Miss Poison, Why is it that drag queens get mad if you touch them? I just don't understand you ladies sometimes?

Signed, Sticky Fingers

Well Sticky, it all depends on the queen, and how and where you touch them. If it were me, I'd say "Bring it on"! Anytime anywhere! Just kidding. You know, it's not always that we like to put time and effort into a "look", only to have our hair smashed by a stranger’s "choke hold". Or to have our perfectly pressed outfit wrinkled by an "innocent" grope, or, the WORSE by far, our flawlessly blended make up smeared by a potential suitors wandering hands and lips. We may look plastic, but we're not...well some of us are, but that's another column all together.

A good rule of thumb is to ASK before you touch. Unless it's me, then I say " grab and RUN"!!!!!!! Good luck.

Poison, why don't you ever discuss sex in your column?

Wondering Why

Dear Wondering, you are a sick and twisted individual and I'm free on Wednesday's. I don't discuss sex in the newsletter because it's a family publication and I'm a lady! Not to mention I can't discuss a subject that isn't presented to me, right? So, what about sex would you like to discuss, you little perv?

Nosey Nate 

Well Nate, if this is your lame attempt at asking me out, the answer is YES!!! What time shall I be ready? Just kidding (kind of). Of course I think of my Poison time as social time.....even when I'm getting paid, but I'm sure you know....that's very draining (in a good way) and I often look "away" from Poison for additional social interaction. I enjoy lots of different stimulations.....cultural, that is (movies, plays, concerts). And I also enjoy a smoke filled Bingo hall with my mother in tow, every now and again. Now I feel I've shared enough...you'll get the rest of my story when you take me out. Till then, thanks for your letter...nosey isn't always a bad thing. 

Hi Poison, hope you get this letter before it's too late. I've seen you out and about lately and you always seem to be having fun. I was worried though, because you always seem to be in the company of different men. I hope you know these characters and trust them to take care of you when you get, shall we say, a little tipsy??? Just looking out for you. 

Auntie Dear Auntie...piss off! (Ha Ha Ha). What a sweet and charming sentiment...you being worried about BIG, Black. 200# me!!! I can assure you I am quite capable of taking care of myself in certain situations. It had been quite some years (sadly) since Miss Poison has found herself alone with a stranger. The "characters" you've seen me with lately are my friends. I'm rarely alone...a blessing as well as a curse. I've always got more than one fellow at hand to take care of me...as you said, when I am "tipsy"...which, by the way, the term is DRUNK! Why waste good Vodka getting tipsy??? Anyway, thanks for your concern. "My people" DO love me, don't they?

Dear Poison, first I'd like to congratulate you on your new column in Coming Up Roses. I enjoy the newsletter very much and look forward to reading your column monthly. I've always been a fan of your humor and realism. Often these two traits are lost in our Community. I don't really have a problem for you to solve, more like a story to share with you and your readers. About a year ago, I began dating a woman who is much younger than me. She's only been out a short while and at times seems a bit overwhelmed by the whole "scene". Our relationship has been growing steadily, but every so often she calls for a sort of "time out", claiming she's afraid she's settling down too soon, afraid she may be missing out on other possibilities. Of course I abide by her wishes, only to have her come back to me after she realizes that yes, there's a lot more out there, but quality always beats out quantity. I'm writing to you with this in hopes some other newcomers to the "scene" might read this and think before jumping ship, looking for those greener pastures. Thank you and Happy New Year!

Sign me "Oldie but a Goodie"

Dear Goodie, my what a lengthy letter! Maybe she wants a "time out" to let you catch your breath...you're kinda long winded! Thank you for your sweet words and vote of confidence, I hope you, as well as the rest of my readers, can find a little something here to help you along life's bumpy roads. Your little friend sure is lucky to have found such a patient and understanding person to date...most folks I know wouldn't have taken her back so quickly, and did you say "several times"? I hope she realizes what a treasure she's got at home the next time her eyes start to wander.

I've been in a similar situation (yes, ME!), and you can't help but feel used and taken advantage of. But my mamma always said, "no one can use you, unless you let 'em!". And those are my words to you...if you don't mind the back and forth....stick it out...hopefully she'll wake up before it's too late.

Hi Poison. I sure hope this makes it into your next column because I'm really mad! I do drag quite a bit and like to hang out at the Silverado. One of my so called friends who KINDA does drag too ALWAYS tries to pick up on the same guys as me! I try to give her subtle hints to back off, but she just don't seem to get the point. What should I do?

Pissed off in Pumps

My dear "pissed"...calm yourself chile....first of all, experience tells me that there ain't NO man worth getting all worked up over! Second of all, I don't think your "so called friend" can possibly be that good of a friend if she's always trying to get what you want! 

My friend Diva Simone Slaughter and I went through the same thing...except it was with purses! EVERYTIME I'd go to buy a purse, she'd want the same one. If I had an orange purse...SHE'D have an orange purse. If someone gave me a leopard print purse... SHE'D go out and get herself one too! I finally had to tell her in no uncertain terms...Girl! Getcha own dang style of purse and leave mine alone! It was rough, but I may have saved our friendship, which may have otherwise ended with us having it out at Ross Dress for Less in the fashion accessories Department!

But, I digress...Tell your "friend" that you are not her taste tester...the Silverado is big enough for the both of you, there's plenty of dudes to go around. (Just stay outta the basement. That's my territory!). Good luck girl, see ya around!

Dear Poison, what makes you think you can write a column on advice and love and the like? It doesn't seem to me you'd be the type of person who knows much about anything more than talking on a mic and running around Stark Street.

Curious and Cautious

Well! I'd like to first remind you "Curious", about what killed that proverbial cat. I have nothing but love here in the Ask Poison column. So, I will not "let you have it", much to the disappointment of most of my readers, I'm sure. 

Yes, I may spend a lot of time talking on a mic and running around Stark Street. Anyone who is paying attention would know those are GREAT qualifications to hand out advice on a plethora of subjects. In my 13 years of being Poison Waters, I have witnessed more happenings of all magnitudes than most folks would care to dream about. I flatter myself by saying to you, yes, I do know an awful lot about an awful lot. I sense some pent up hostilities..... could there be something you wish to discuss w/ me? I doubt your negative tone really has anything to do with me personally.....so, come on. Open up! I'm here for you!

Dear Poison, my boyfriend and I met you at the Silverado recently, you were so nice to us, but we wondered if that was just an act, you know, part of your job? 

Signed, Sensing a Snob Bob

My goodness Bob! What a bold question!!! But an honest one at that. My "job" at the Silverado is to announce Male Strippers and Bar Specials. My "goal" as a regional celebrity and Community supporter, is to make each and every person I encounter feel as if I have given them my full attention to the fullest of my capability at the time. Often, certain situations prevent that from happening...usually NOT my fault..as you can imagine. I am a lady (for the most part) and LOVE everyone. It's difficult for me to feel "crossed" by someone, or "done wrong" or dis-respected. But when I do, believe me, that person knows it! (not to mention anyone else within the sound of my voice) So, the answer to your question is YES! My treatment of you and your boyfriend was genuine. If you were nice to me, I'm sure I was overly nice to you. Hope to see you both again very soon! 

This last letter reminds me of a favorite quote "though it's nice to be important, it's more important to be nice!"

Thanks for your letters. If you need some friendly advice from Portland's most beloved and notorious female impersonator, go to my contact me page and send me an e-mail.  Take care...hope to hear from you soon!